Memories...

I lay in bed earlier this evening thinking about the last two years of my life and how much has changed, physically, mentally and metaphorically. My life twisted, jerked, bounced then coughed, sputtered, and then powered up steam and in the exact opposite fashion of a train-wreck, it jumped back onto the rails. It's hard to understand how frustrating driving a train off track can be when you've never driven it *on* the track... yeah, that's pretty much the perfect way to sum it all up.

Two years ago, September 2006, I turned thirty-three years of age. I was in a very loving relationship with a wonderful female. For some reason, things were not right. She knew it also. She thought it was that I had lost interest in her sexually. I knew it was because I could not fulfill my role in the relationship as a male. Everything about being male felt wrong to me. I remember distinctly thinking, "I should be the girl in this relationship". It's both humourous and ironic that she often quipped that she was the "guy" in our relationship. To seriously consider the truth that lay in those thoughts and statements brought on a flood of memories and events in the past that made many things make sense. It has been an experience and I think I am mentally ready to write about many of those things in the past and present. Perhaps I may speculate on the future also. the future is foggy at the moment and hopefully this blog will help clarify what is to come.

Anyways, for the last two years I have spent much time researching, soul searching, revisiting the past and experimenting with taking the female role. I like it, it feels right, it works, and I am completely happy when I am perceived as a female.

I think I'll head back to bed now. My bed is laden with pillows and blankets and stuffed toys that I love. My cat spends time there too. And all I can think of right now is getting back there to relish thoughts of knowing who and what I am finally.

More to come... Gender Impressions Diary...